I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
