At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
