every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
