If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize