I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
