Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
