dude i'm inner monologue high
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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