I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
