we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
