the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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