Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
