im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
