I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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