The best revenge is premature balding
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
