he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize