Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
