I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
