also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
