He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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