I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
