How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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