I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
