i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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