the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
