I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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