Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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