Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
