chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Randomize
