I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
