I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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