she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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