"it" just moved
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
