I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
