Someone shit on the floor
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
