I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
