new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
