sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
