I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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