Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
