Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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