He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
