some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
