Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
