Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
