It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize