so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
