On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
