Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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