He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize