My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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