Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
