I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
