you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
