are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Dicks are not precious.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
