He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
