Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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