I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
