so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
