I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
