I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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