so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize