you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it's like iHOP with fire
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
