I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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