Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
