The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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