I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
