between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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