all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
