I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
now i know why i became what i already was.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize