He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
