How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
