Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
