I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
