Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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