does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
