We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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