my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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