He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
