The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
