I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
How's work?
Spinning.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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