remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
