R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
