Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
