if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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