So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
