I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
