Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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