how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
