So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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