I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
