ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
