even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
