You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize