I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's blow job season.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
soo... how was my night?
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