I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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