it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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