I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
