I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
