Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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