He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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