Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
