Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize