she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
