she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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