i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
