i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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