you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
